This morning, I asked my son to bring the Cheon Seong Gyeong from the holy altar and read it to me for five minutes. I was in a sad tired lump on the bed waiting for the day to NOT begin. As he read, he stumbled on a word: “acknowledgment.” Our little scripture-reading resulted in me remembering that one word. So, that is what Today’s post is going to be all about.
The conundrum of events this week have led me into a great deal of reflection. Especially Today, when my husband and I plan to go back to Davis Sport Shop and demand back every last penny of an order that they, not I, canceled; I had to sit down and acknowledge that I have been wounded. Sometimes, it’s just not enough to be strong. We have to acknowledge our hurt and pain: publicly too, so that our brothers will be healed by it, as the Holy Bible says.
So, here I go…
From the keys of my typewriter: “March 12, 2020 – Reflection Writing
I have been wounded a lot by my mother. It’s time that I recognize that about myself. I have wanted to go forward in so many ways but she hit me so much that it was exhausting to be alive. I did my best to overcome every adversity of being my mother’s child but it was not enough to just be strong. My father never cared to be part of my life except to make lunch and eat meals with me and Omma at the table. He never took me out camping or brought me anywhere. Was he proud of me? Looking back on my life as a constantly abused child I simply can’t say that he was there for me. I can say clearly that he didn’t care. I can say that he cared just enough for appearances. When I look back on my life, all I see is that True Father was the one who loved me the most. Soo Kyoung and Michael J. Chapman hurt me to death. My strongest feelings to commit suicide began in high school. How could they have not cared after they brought me to that point? They wanted me to die. They wanted it to just be over — their marriage, the church, the mission, the dream, and to just get away like they did with their lives before the church. But they had me. I was now their worst enemy, their secret hatred, their worst problem. They did everything they could, neglect, abuse, silence, avoidance, and control to manipulate me to the point of death. Even after I was molested they never taught me self-defense, they never defended me, they, especially Michael J. Chapman had never cared about me.
When I got a strong feeling to ask my dad for $500.00 recently, he sent it to me. I told him that I had a strong feeling I would need the money. When I got it, I realized that my permit to purchase a hand-gun was expiring. I cashed the check and went through the process to buy a gun from Davis Sport Shop. The purchase resulted in a strange scandal; it has truly horrified me. The way I was treated and then canceled just made me reflect on how cursed with evil is the money of Hak Ja Han and Michael J. Chapman. I had done nothing wrong but we are going back to Davis Sport Shop this evening to get my money back. Now, the money has paid an indemnity. It is being reclaimed from the devil. The way it is coming back to me is from the hands of Michael J. Chapman to the Roman Catholic nut-brain Rob Pizzi in Northvale, New Jersey, to the lunatic truth-denying unstable crazy Christian at Davis Sport Shop, Tiffany Davis, and then to me – only if I’m willing to fight for it this evening.
Alex says the reason we have to get my money back is so that they are put in their place and that we come off strong and respectable. I really would prefer to just leave it in her dirty little hands. She is so mean and rude. She yells and talks over me all the time. How am I supposed to do business with an unstable loud crazy woman like that? Exactly, I’m not! It’s going to be Alex Gabb. When we go back there Today, I will not shy away from telling her what she needs to hear. However, I will let Alex do the talking. It’s not my place to deal with a crazy bitch from loony-ville. I will be there as the proof of the transaction and disgrace Tiffany has put herself into. I am the queen. She should at least be quiet when I am talking. That’s just basic business basics, after-all.
This moment, tonight, is when all my hurt will turn around. This is when the set-backs that my demon parents have ruined me with will no longer have an effect on my life. It’s the restoration of my father in Heaven, who loves me, to stand in His royal love in my proper place as His daughter, His wife, His Queen, and His sister. After this, there is nothing else to be had than to go forward with my every dream, my every wish, my God, and all our people.